Battleship: The Novelization (an excerpt)
Hopper stared intently at the grid before him. There was no way of knowing where the massive alien warships were hiding. They could be anywhere: D5, J9, even G3, the sneaky bastards.
‘Orders, sir?’ asked one of the unnamed crew of heroes.
Hopper narrowed his eyes and pointed. ‘B7!’ he commanded.
The crew member typed the coordinates into his computer, which beeped. ‘Ready.’
‘Fire!’ commanded Hopper, commandingly. The missile launched from the missile launcher like a missile launched from a missile launcher and streaked away through the night sky. Everybody on the bridge waited. Nobody made a sound. Captain Nagata furrowed his wise, Japanese brow in concentration. Then came the call from the lookout.
‘Miss,’ said Ordy.
The one played by Rihanna stood up and threw her headset on the floor in frustration. ‘Motherf-’
‘Stow that talk!’ ordered Hopper, which was a navy expression meaning to stop saying that.
‘Sorry, Captain,’ she said, sitting back down.
‘I’m not your captain,’ said Hopper. ‘I’m just a lieutenant having a really bad day.’ He paused to let his words sink in (which isn’t a pun even though they’re on a ship).
Meanwhile, outside the alien force field, Admiral Shane examined a map of the sea. It was hard to read, but decades of naval experience had served him well.
‘We think the ships are somewhere here,’ said an officer, pointing to a spot in the sea.
‘I see,’ growled the admiral, seeing. ‘And where is the enemy?’
‘We don’t know,’ said the officer. ‘But probably in a different place.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ growled the admiral, hoping so.
Meanwhile, up on the mountain, Sam and Mick were watching the aliens build their alien contraption.
‘What do you think it is?’ asked Sam, who didn’t know what it was.
‘I don’t know,’ said Mick. ‘But I’m sure as hell gonna blow it up.’ Mick had been a soldier in the army before losing his legs to a leg explosion. It still effected him emotionally, but he was too stubborn and cool to show it.
‘Maybe we should find out what it is first,’ said Sam, who had not been a soldier or had her legs blown up. ‘It could be important.’
‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right,’ grumbled Mick. He was disappointed. He liked blowing things up.
Meanwhile, on the alien ship, the aliens were doing alien stuff. Really weird alien stuff.
Meanwhile, back on the USS John Paul Jones, which is named after the Revolutionary War captain and not the bassist from Led Zeppelin, the deadly game of cat-and-mouse continued. Hopper would say a letter and a number, a missile would be launched, and they would all wait to hear if they had scored a hit.
‘I can’t understand it,’ said Hopper. ‘We’ve launched missiles all over the damn grid. Where could they be hiding?’
‘Maybe,’ said Captain Nagata. ‘They have lined all their ships up close together, so that when we hit one, we will assume the others must be somewhere else.’
‘Bastards!’ exclaimed Hopper. ‘They’re smarter than I thought.’
‘Also,’ said Nagata. ‘They are probably not staying in one place, like we are.’
